so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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