Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
