her vagine was all disorganized.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
