I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh god it's open bar.
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