Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
