the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
