Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
