mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
