The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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