Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
