Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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