youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
