Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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