I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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