please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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