I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
