your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What a dumb baby whore.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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