There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
