He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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