i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
