I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
