I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
