3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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