I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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