My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
