I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
