"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
