I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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