gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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