I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
