Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
