Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
