I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
