she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
