i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
