he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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