What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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