Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
