im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
