she was so not down for the gang bang
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
