is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
