even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
