i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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