I'm gonna have a badass scar
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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