I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
