Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
