So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
