I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
