Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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