I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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