He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
