Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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