we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Randomize
