Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
