she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
