Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
