I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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