so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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