I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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