woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Holy sore nipples Batman
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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