i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
