I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
