Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As shirtless as possible
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
