FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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